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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son? ”
“My father said it'd be a good idea, sir. ”
“Oh? And what does your father do? ”
“He's in the Army, sir. ”
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things - no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed.
It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route marches, ” which, the more...
(Now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)Dear Ma and Pa:I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you' til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't more...
Synagogue Bulletin Blunders.
These announcements, with hilarious typos and phrasing blunders, were reportedly found in various shul newsletters and bulletins around the country. Even the spell checker wouldn't have helped!
1. Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.
4. Thursday at 9, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers please see the rabbi in his private study.
5. The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
6. A bean supper will be held Wednesday evening in the community center. Music will follow.
7. Weight more...
A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization.
The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."
The man says O. K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."
As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.
"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION":
You'll be making under $6 an hour.
- - - - -
"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY":
You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
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"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY":
There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.
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"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN":
Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.
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"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
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"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"
We have no time to train you. (and/or)
Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.
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"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:"
Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.
- - - - -
"IMMEDIATE OPENING:"
The person who had this job gave notice a month ago.
We're just now running the ad.
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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a youngnewlywed couple wanted to join a church.The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastorgoes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sexfor the two weeks?"The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor.""Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastorgoes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstainfrom sex for the two weeks?"The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week Ihad to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to thenewlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex fortwo weeks?""Well Pastor, we were more...