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Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole. "What made you join the Army?" asked one. "Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin' it - a shovelful at a time."
51 years ago, jimmy decided to join the army.
on his first day they handed him a comb, then cut off all his hair.
on his second day they gave him a toothbrush, and then pulled out most of his teeth.
on his third day the handed him a jock strap... he has no been seen since.
Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek:10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7. 9) You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble. 8) You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise. 7) Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information. 6) You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale. 5) Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Captain Kirk. 4) You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?" 3) You have no life. 2) You recognize more than 4 references on this list. 1) You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
Some men join the army coz they are single & the like war.
Other men join the army coz they are married & they like peace.
On the lighter side of religion, here are some actual sentences found in church bulletins and newsletters:
Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mother, please more...
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:You'll be making under $6 an hour.- - - - -"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY":You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.- - - - -"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY":There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.- - - - -"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN":Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.- - - - -"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.- - - - -"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.- - - - -"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:"Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.- - - - -"IMMEDIATE OPENING:"The person who had this job gave notice a month ago.We're just now running the ad.- - - - -"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:"We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; more...
Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7 a.m. Sunday. But one of them got transferred, and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.
A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?"
They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. She said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven."
She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7."
Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps.
They had a beer after their round, more...