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Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil, "which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!", declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad."An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had more...

Paddy n Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody whos on the streets after 6 oclock. So one day, theyre out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. "What are you doin, Paddy? It aint 6 yet!" "I know what Im doin. I know where he lives and he wouldnt have made it!"

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group." The man says O. K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."
As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

(Obviously sung to the tune of
the Battle Hymn of the Republic)


Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby
And his cutsey little purse.
He wears a purple outfit,
And, dear friends, what's even worse,
He doesn't scratch or spit or belch,
He doesn't even curse.
What kind of guy is he?

CHORUS
Tinky Winky is a fairy.
Moral Morons must be wary.
Ignorance like their's is scary.
And Tinky Winky's gay.

I have seen his little triangle
Where it sits upon his head,
And we all know it's a symbol
For the shame that can't be said.
Now we have to purge this danger
Or our little boys will wed
A wife whose name is Ed.

CHORUS

His defenders say his purse is nothing
But a magic little bag.
That's a cover-up, as we all know,
He's just a little fag!
We cannot let a Teletubby
Appear in purple drag,
Moron more...

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7: 00 a. m. on Sunday.
Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought.
They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6: 30 or 6: 45." She showed up right at 6: 30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated
her.

Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6: 30 or 6: 45."

Again, she showed up at 6: 30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week.
By now the guys were more...

Get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2006.
1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly Warner Cracker.
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW!
9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new
name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before
breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed
to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is
strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak
on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food,
but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on
coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys more...