Jones Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny and Susie are only ten years old, but they're sure they're in love and decided they wanted to get married.
Little Johnny bravely approached Susie's father and said, "Mr. Jones, me and Susie love each other and I would like to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking this was the cutest thing he'd ever heard, Mr. Jones replied, "Well, Johnny, you are only ten years old. Where will the two of you live?"
Without hesitation, Johnny replied, "In Susie's room, of course. It's much larger than mine and we can both fit all our stuff in there very nicely."
"Ok then, Johnny," a grinning Mr. Jones said, "how will the two of you live? You aren't old enough to get a job yet and you'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny quickly replied, "We have our allowances. Susie makes five dollars a week and I make ten. That's about sixty dollars a month, so that should do us just fine."
By this time, Mr. more...

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology". The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to: "Hysteria and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". No go, so they tried: "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again, so they tried: "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.": Still not good, so they tried: "Minds and Behinds". Still no go. Nor did: "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks" or "Loons and Moons" work either, so they finally settled on: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind. Betty, muttering: If you're anything to go by, that's not all it broadens!

A man goes up to the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What should I do?"
"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object. "Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again, the minister noticed. "Who is your more...

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies" She asked, "How many have forgiven your enemies?" About half held up their hands.

She repeated the question, now about 80% raised their hands. She repeated the question again, all raised their hands except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any" she responded.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three" she replied.

"Mrs. Jones, would you please come forward and explain to the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said:.................................................


"It's easy. I just outlived those bitches."

Why are there so many Jones's in the phone book? Because they all have phones.

The Teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.

She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?" Ms. Jones asked.

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents, " Jimmy replied.

"That's also very nice more...