Jose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer…Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again.
At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try
another cup. . just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor…
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers
just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Samp! le! the Cuervo to check for tonsist icity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or more...

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. “And the Americans, they are so friendly! ” he concluded. “Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, …. ‘Jose, can you see? ’”

So, my friend said,"Hey, what do you think about him?""Who? the principal?"I said. "No way Jose!!"she said. "Are you calling ME Jose? Huh, huh???"I said. "No! Why would I, booger times infinity!!!"she screamed in my ear. "Muppet Puppet MOMMY!!!"I said laughing. Then someone was sneaking around the school and he heard our conversation, so when he passed us, WE GAVE HIM A DOUBLE WEDGIE! And his boxers had B-A-R-N-E-Y on them so he was the laugh of the school!!

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador`s costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I`m Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire." The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

The forgien exchanged students Jose, Doron, and Krono didn't know any English. So their teacher asked them to go find some words.
Jose goes to the airport and sees a plane.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's a plane taking off," the pilot said.
"Take off!" he says.
Doron goes to the zoo and sees a zebra.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's a zebra," a lady tells him.
"Ze'bra!" he says.
Krono goes to the hospital and sees a new baby.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's my baby," the mother said.
"Be'be!" he says.
The next day in class, they say all the words together.
"Take off ze bra bebe!!"

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day.

Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." "How does it go, mijo?" "It goes Jose can you see!

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang,. ...' Jose, can you see?'"