Joseph Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.*Ting-a-ling*"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:*Ting-a-ling*"Joseph, Joseph,"sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down against his body. No response. Finally, more...

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the
Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy
Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them
to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer
costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first
candidate.
*Ting-a-ling*
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed
in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and
pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate,
slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
drops:
*Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable
to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower
and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the more...

Three young Irish candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: the Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis. In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* "Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go now and take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."
The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down more...

After Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited the young man into his study to find out more about him.
"What are your plans?" he asked Joseph.
"I'm a scholar of the Torah," Joseph replied.
"Well, that's admirable," Leslie's father replied. "But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?"
"I will study, and God will surely provide for us," Joseph explained.
"And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?"
"I will study hard, and God will provide for us."
"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiance.
The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie had left, her mother asked her father what he found out.
The father answered, "Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is more...

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

Our local PBS outlet here has been showing a series of
Joseph Campbell lectures, as they always do when it's
time to wring a little money out of the viewers. On a
recent episode, the late Professor Campbell was talking
about the time when life begins, and he told this little
story:
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi
were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth,
because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is
capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
"You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins
when the children have graduated from college and moved out of
the house..."

I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts... groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas more...