Joseph Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Conservatives are wasting their time, energy and votes if they stay in the Republican Party. No more than the Democrats do the Republicans honor the Constitution. They merely violate it at a slower pace.
-- Joseph Sobran

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, “They couldn't get a baby-sitter.”

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold,
frankincense, and myrrh".

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important theological fact; there is no mention of
wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so.

"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year! And Joseph did rolleth his eyes. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that more...

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the
Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made
out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay
and stinking animals and guess what??? I go right into labor.

My OB doc said "Make the trip." Anyway, we have a new baby boy
that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!

First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm
holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the
animals in the stable start talking and taking sides! Next, all
these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad
enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka
seemed to drop in. You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John!
All the time he babbles about' logos' and' kerygma' and a whole
bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.

Then there's a more...

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,
went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact
there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth,' Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the more...

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when
they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a
barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.
Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent
her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once
it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable
degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing(97% probability that
Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't
happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the
proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and
asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by
their own admissions they more...

THERE WERE THREE NUNS TALKING TO EACH OTHER AT THE CHAPPEL. SUDDENLY ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER TWO THAT SHE FOUND A BOX OF CONDOMS IN THE ROOM OF FATHER JOSEPH. THE SECOND NUN WAS EICTED BY HEARING THAT ASKED THE FIRST NUN WHAT SHE DID WITH IT. THE FIRST NUN REPLIED SAYING"I JUST MADE HOLES IN ALL THE CONDOMS". SUDDENLY THE OTHER TWO NUNS FAINTED!!!!