Joseph Jokes / Recent Jokes

From the Urban Myths column of The Guardian Weekend (18 Dec 1993)
Some friends of friends had a precocious eight-year-old who counted as his girlfriend a little girl who attended the same school.
During the Christmas term, the kids were selected for parts in the traditional Nativity play. The boy was extremely upset at the casting. His girlfriend landed the part of Mary, but he didn't get to play Joseph opposite her.
Nevertheless, he took his role seriously, and all the rehearsals went smoothly. Come the big night, all the parents were glowing with pride at the heart-warming performances.
Cushion-pregnant Mary and her husband Joseph duly arrived at the inn, and asked if there was any room for them for the night. It was the little boy's big moment, and he did not disappoint.
"You can come in Mary", he shouted, grabbing her by the arm, "but Joseph can sod off."
Apparently, later in the same play, Mary was tending to the little doll, new-born more...

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

The deal
Joseph had just passed his driving test, so he asked his father, who was a Rabbi, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "Joseph, I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we`ll talk about it."
After about a month Joseph came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father`s study where his father said, "Joseph, I`ve been real proud of you. You have raised your school grades, you`ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn`t get your hair cut!" Joseph waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I`ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Moses had long hair...."
To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, and they walked every where they went!"

Joseph, Mary and their son were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?"
"No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer again."

Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants
pocket. Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy. Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have the "Staff of Life" in one hand." "Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in the other!"

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.
Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing (97% probability that Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't happen, hmmm?).
He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by their own admissions they had not yet consummated their union).
The more...

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols were not allowed to land or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too." Joseph had a bright idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass?" he said, eager to avoid sectarian more...