Josh Jokes / Recent Jokes

The baseball season is fast approaching and the Mudville Sliders decided to call a press conference. During that meeting, I overheard some unusual comments: Andy ( writer for Sam's Sports Page): "Will you have the same team as last year, considering you only won 42 games?" Josh (Mudville Manager): "We plan to make a few changes but it has nothing to do with our win/loss record. Thinking of getting rid of one of our pitchers, our right-fielder and our 1st baseman." Andy: "That's quite a few. Could you please tell our readers the reason for these changes?" Josh: "Well, it's simple. We can't afford to tarnish the team's reputation. The pitcher hit one of the other team's batters in each of the last 8 games. He never was provoked. The 1st baseman got caught stealing 3rd base five times last season. What will people think? As for the right-fielder, I might give him a second chance; but all he could really catch last year, was a cold."

Josh was helping Cheryl, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Cheryl what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Cheryl replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"

The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.

Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."

And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"

Josh lived in a small town and was well know for being the eternal optimist. No matter how horrible a situation was, Josh could always think of a way it could be worse. Eventually, everyone in town tired of hearing him say that, so they decided to tell him a lie.
"Josh, did you hear that Rick found his wife in bed with another man last night? He shot the man and then himself. Isn't that horrible?"
"Yes, that is horrible," Josh replied. "It could have been worse though."
"How could THAT possibly be worse?"
"Had it been the night before," Josh said, "I'd be dead!"

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."