Juice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here's my favourite recipe for fruit cake.
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or more...

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued...Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face."Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle."Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we'd more...

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from surgery. She really disliked being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters even worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her.
For example, the nurse would bring her breakfast every morning which always consisted of an egg, a piece of toast, and a glass of apple juice. The nurse would then return a little while later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued...
Finally, one morning, the woman decided to have some fun. She ate the egg and the toast, but went into the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it.
When the nurse returned later that morning, she took a look at the bottle and a frown immediately came over her face. "Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," she said, pointing to the urine bottle.
"Oh, really?" the woman replied, picking up the bottle in more...

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Women are like cartons of orange juice
it dont matter how good lokking the package is or even how sweet the juice is.
its trying to get those bleeding flaps to open.

QUESTION: WHY DID THE BLONDE STARE AT THE FROZEN JUICE CONTAINER FOR 2 HOURS?
ANSWER: BECAUSE IT SAID "CONCENTRATE"

Your a redneck if you stare at a orange juice bottle just because it says concentrate.