Juice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that
they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until
all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patron. Anyone who
could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money. Many people tried
but nobody was able to do it.
One day a scrawny, little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester
suit. He said in a squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter
died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man who clenched it in his small
fist.
Soon the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as six drops of juice fell
into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked
the little man, "What do you do for a living?"
The little man replied with a winning smile, "I work for the more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. "I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what? "I work for the IRS."

My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.

A study says that drinking blueberry juice can improve a person's memory. There is a little catch though: You first have to remember what kind of juice to buy.

Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

Q: What do a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
A: Either way somebody loses a trailer home!
You know you're a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.
You know you're a red neck when you go to family reunions to pick up chicks!
If you've been married three times and your in-laws aint changed then you might just be a redneck.
If a sign reads say no to crack and you pull up your pants then you might just be a redneck.
You know you are redneck when you mow your lawn and find a car.
You know you are redneck when your favorite shirt is illegal in more then 15 states.
You know you are redneck when you shut your car door and your gun makes you a sun-roof.
You know you are redneck when your friends go water skiing while you are towing your boat to the lake.
You might be a redneck if your exhaust system incorporates more than three wire hangers and at least two juice cans.
You more...

Q: What do a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common? A: Either way somebody loses a trailer home! You know you're a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.You know you're a red neck when you go to family reunions to pick up chicks! If you've been married three times and your in-laws aint changed then you might just be a redneck.If a sign reads say no to crack and you pull up your pants then you might just be a redneck.You know you are redneck when you mow your lawn and find a car.You know you are redneck when your favorite shirt is illegal in more then 15 states.You know you are redneck when you shut your car door and your gun makes you a sun-roof.You know you are redneck when your friends go water skiing while you are towing your boat to the lake.You might be a redneck if your exhaust system incorporates more than three wire hangers and at least two juice cans.You might be a redneck if you think "fat-free" more...