Julie Jokes / Recent Jokes

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you' did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you' did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that more...

Eddie lived next door to a beautiful blonde named Julie.
One evening, as he was driving home from work, he noticed his neighbor's house was on fire. When he got closer, he saw Julie standing in the yard, watching the blaze.
Stopping his car and getting out, he rushed over to her. "Julie, your house is on fire!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, I know," a calm Julie replied.
"Well, aren't you going to do anything?" Eddie inquired.
"Nah, let it burn," Julie said. "I have enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. I thought it was love at first sight, said Julie. It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

"For Heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined. "What?" Chris replied. "Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!" "I'm sorry, honey," Chris said. "Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed. "Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

At the end of camp, Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed.' How did your trunk get so neat?' she asked her messy daughter.' It was easy,' said Julie.' I just never unpacked!'

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy? ”
2. If you get one of those pushy people who won’t shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you’ll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
3. If they start out with, “How are you today? ” say, “Why do you want to know? ” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…. ” When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your more...

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened.' I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie.' It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.