Jump Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two guys, John and Jake, are training the art of parachutism.
At 12 000 feet, they jump out of the plane. By pulling the yellow cord, the parachute should unfold.
This does happen to John. Gently he floats in the air. Unfortunately this doesn't happen to Jake, no matter how hard he pulls the yellow string, nothing happens. He's fallen straight down to earth.
John shouts to him: "Don't make a fuss of it, it's just a practice jump!"
Scene: New York City, man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Irish cop. Cop yells up to the man "Don`t jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven`t got a father; I`m going to jump." The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven`t got one; going to jump." Desperate the cop yells up "Don`t jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin" Man replies "Who is that?" Cop yells "Jump, Protestant! You`re blocking traffic!"
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on top of a burning building. When the firemen got there they stretched the trampoline out and told the brunette to jump. She jumped, then the firemen moved back and she died. Then they moved back and told the redhead to jump. She said ''No! I saw what you just did!'' The firemen replied, ''we don't like brunettes, we won't move this time!'' So she believed them and jumped. They moved again, then returned to where they were. Then they told the blonde to jump. She replied ''No I saw what you did to them!'' The firemen said, ''we don't like brunettes or redheads, we like blondes!'' She then said ''OK! I'll tell you what to do! All of you put the net on the ground and BACK UP!''
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive."The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen," and jumps.The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France," and he also jumps.This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember the Alamo," and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
Two lawyers have a suicide pact; they will jump off the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco at exactly the same time. Each has nearly the same body type and their weights are identical. One is wearing a brown suit; the other is wearing a blue suit.
Question: Who hits the bay first?
Answer: Who cares?!
An Irishman joined the American Air Force and was making his first parachute jump. The instructor said, "When you jump out of the plane, shout Geronimo and pull the ripcord." When the Irishman woke up in hospital a few days later the first thing he said was, "What was the name of that Indian again?"