Justice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Justice!
Justice who!
Justice as I thought, no one home!

When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty;

When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace;

When there are too many lawyers, there can be no justice.

-- Lin Yutang

Litigation is a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.

-- Ambrose Bierce "A country man between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

-- Benjamin Franklin

Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.

-- Oscar Wilde

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

-- Lenny Bruce

I was never ruined but twice -- once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one.

-- Voltaire

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted. We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat as much.

If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.

People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.

If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, more...

Why should I upgrade to Windows 95?
Because of the size of Microsoft, and its influence on the American
economy, it's crucial that all PC users buy Windows 95. If this doesn't
happen, the dollar will fall further against the yen, unemployment will
rise, the deficit will increase, interest rates will skyrocket, the
market will crash, and we'll be plunged into another world war.
Besides, Bill Gates says you should.
What about long filenames?
Ha ha. Can't believe you fell for this one. Sure you can create long
filenames, which are then immediately truncated to an eight character
string, for old times sake. When you go to look for your file, the
operating system matches a random sampling of letters with the
filenames it has stored. Good luck finding your file.
Does Windows 95 offer true multitasking?
Yes. It's called Interactive Multitasking, meaning you can work on
other tasks while waiting for your computer to reboot each time more...

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. “Only a shilling? ” said the Justice,
“Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here’s a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them. ”

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today. ”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night? ”
“No, ” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole. ”
Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was more...

I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy!