Courts Jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout.
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
He sees more...

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always more...

An couple decided to stay at a very exclusive, WASP only
hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for
what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided
to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill
and were surprised to find they owe $3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.
"So?" said the manager, "This is a very expensive hotel. We have
golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars
and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use-that's your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl
who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the
man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't
sleep more...

A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000."Hows this? Weve only been here one night!" the man was annoyed."So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up.""But we didnt use any of these!" explained the couple."If you didnt use - thats your problem," came the reply."In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man."What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didnt sleep with your wife!""If yo u didnt use - thats your problem!"

A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000.

"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.

"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."

"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.

"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.

"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man.

"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't more...