Ken Jokes / Recent Jokes

BARBIE'S LETTER TO SANTA: Dear Santa: Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 1999:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up more...

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19. 95. ..'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19. 95. ..'Barbie goes shopping for $19. 95. ..'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19. 95...'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19. 95. .. and' Divorced Barbie' for $375. 00." "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375. 00, when all the others are $19. 95?" Dad asked surprised. Simple..."Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.
Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.
You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.
Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.
The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of more...

A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken. She replies, "Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken."

A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll". The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19. 95, Barbie dates BaddTeddy for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19. 95, Cyber Barbie for $19. 95 and Divorced Barbie more...