Ken Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...

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REASONS FOR BEING FIRED FROM TOYSRUS

- A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
- Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
- You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.
- Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.
- You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.
- Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.
- The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
- Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
- Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
- Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
- Jaws of life needed to more...

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Barbie Turns 40

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been40 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introducedat Toy Fair in 1959. She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for president in1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs intoa wheelchair to become a role model once again for a newly identified market.
    In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out, with accessories galore at her longslender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what willMattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40?
    Why fight age? Why notcapitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for apast 40 Barbie:
Bifocals Barbie:
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors more...

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Letters To Santa

Barbie's Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!

There had better be some change around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1999, Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap more...