Kennedy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ted Kennedy was known as the "lion of the Senate." Similarly, John McCain is referred to as the "saber-toothed tiger of the Senate."
Senator Ted Kennedy succumbed to brain cancer this week, dying at the age of 77.
Kennedy will be interred at Arlington National Cemetery with his brothers; a decision reached by the White House after ignoring a petition from the Kopechne family for a burial at sea.
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"Silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said,"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"A passenger in Coach said, "Thats nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
1. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
2. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
3. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.
4. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
5. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
6. Both were assassinated by Southerners.
7. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
8. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
9. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in more...
After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste.
WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.
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What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?
They both got nailed by Sonny Bono. .
What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?
One's a tree-hugging stiff...
and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.
That makes it...
TREES. ........ 2
Celebrites. ... 0
Death by snow:
Michael Kennedy,
Sonny Bono,
Chris Farley
What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of Sonny's body?
That he was recognized.
Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
Police reported it was a quick more...
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office
to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.
"What is it?" the President yells..
"It's the abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks..
"Just go ahead and pay it," responds the President.
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season.
The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something..
Suddenly, Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field..
The stunned umpire shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said,
Throw the first PITCH!'"
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken and fish..
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says..
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks..
"Oh, he'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking more...
Since this most recent sex scandal broke on President Clinton, most democrats are scrambling to defend him. One of the more popular ones around seems to be: "Kennedy did the same thing".
Well... maybe, but not only did Kennedy have class and discretion, he had much better taste in women.