Kennedy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lincoln and JFK started politics 100 years apart. Lincoln and JFK were elected to office 100 yrs apart. Lincoln and JFKs' vice president's had the last name Johnson. Lincoln and JFK have 7 letters in their last name. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. Here's the BIG ONE: Lincoln, a week before his death, was in Monroe, Maryland. Kennedy, a week before his death, was in Marilyn Monroe!!!!

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?? An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names more...

John F. Kennedy Jr., editor-in-chief of GEORGE, drew snickers today in a speech a t the American Association of Advertising Agencies Media Conference in Anaheim, Calif., when he said he believed President Clinton's denial of Oval Office liaisons. AD AGE DEADLINE captured Kennedy's funny:' I was under that very desk 35 years ago,' Mr. Kennedy said.' I could tell you there's barely room for a three-year-old.'

--From Mat Drudge, the Drudge Report

Oral Sex Oral Argument Will the justices know it when they see it?

'But Ginsburg suggested Lewinsky may say she and Clinton engaged in an act other than intercourse.' What's the president's definition of sex?' he asked in an interview minutes after Clinton's statement.'

--USA Today, Jan. 27, 1998

Justice O'Connor: I am trying to get my mind around this theory, Counselor.

Mr. Bennett: Yes, Your Honor.

Justice O'Connor: You say it was not sex? Though the affidavit and counsel all attest that she. .. did as the affidavit attests?

Mr. Bennett: Your honor, we are proposing that not everything that looks like sex is sex and that some things that do not look like sex are in fact sex. To me, ministering to a person's toes in a particular way does not look like sex, but I am reliably told it is sex. On the other hand, say you visit your doctor and your doctor fingers your anatomy, to find lumps or sores or whatever. That's not more...

Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15-One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.

Terry said:... when Kennedy said, "Ich bin ein Berliner!" ("I am a Berliner!"),...
No, no, "Ich bin ein Berliner" means, "I am a jelly donut!"
"I am a Berliner" would be "Ich bin Berliner."
8-)
[It's like, "Ich bin ein Frankfurter" is claiming to be a hot dog while "Ich bin Frankfurter" means you're from Frankfurt.]
(Yes, the Germans did not misunderstand Kennedy, because it was clear from context what he meant... but it's still funny) 8-)