Kgb Jokes

Version One:

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone
who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that
garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but
didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
Version Two:

Place and time: somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930s. The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
"Hello?"
"My neighbor Ivan Asimov is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his woodshed."
"This will be noted."
The next day, the KGB goons go over to Asimov's house. They more...

There is a very ancient Chinese saying, "If the weight of the outside world is pressing in, solstice can always be found in happy golden morsels of light entertainment." No. Just kidding. I made that up. But wait, this is real: Jackie Chan's film FIRST STRIKE (Bad Jin Long) is whooping (and I do mean whoop-whooping) good fun. This film's got high speed snowboard chases, chases on stilts, and synchronized swimming with man eating sharks. What more could you ask for? Actually I could ask for subtitles. It would be very convenient, but on second thought, they'd probably be in Chinese. My limited mental capacity (something about bungee jumping from my uncle's shoulders at an impressionable age, back in the old days before they added the cord) prevents me from comprehending Chinese characters flashing on a 10 foot screen at lightning speeds. This happens regardless of whether the characters on the screen are debating philosophical theory or making tea, so it would probably be more...

The KGB had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. ”
The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife, ” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife. ” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. ”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She more...