Kilometers Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa Singh wanted to lose weight desperately and so he consulted a doctor. The doctor told him that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.
Santa followed the doctors advice and at the end of 300 days, he called the doctor to report that he had actually lost the weight, but had a problem. Whats the problem, asked the doctor?
I am 2400 kilometers away from home

A drunk, after having had one too many, called up the bartender and asked him the distance between Dalhousie Square and Ballygunge in Calcutta. The bartender, in all honesty, answered, "Why, Sir, it is 15 kilometers." The drunk then asked him the distance between Ballygunge and Dalhousie Square, which again the bartender answered as 15 kilometers. Whereupon the drunk accused the bartender of being heavy on the booze, asking how his answers could be -correct as Monday to Friday and Friday to Monday could not be the same distance.

Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!

1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?

2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

3. Are the bears with collars tame?

4. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

5. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?

6. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?

7. Are there birds in Canada?

8. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?

9. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

10. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

11. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

12. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

13. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?

14. How far is Banff from more...