Knees Jokes / Recent Jokes

Childhood Diseases Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'' And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!''

There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the wedding night. Finally when it came the wife took off all of her clothes and went under the covers while her husband took off his clothes one by one. First he took off his socks and his toes were messed up. His wife says "what happened to your toes?" He says "I had toelio". She says "you mean Polio", but he said, "no, toelio". Then he takes off his pants and the wife sees that his knees are all banged up and weird. The wife says "what happened to your knees?" He says "I had Kneaseles". And she says "you mean Measles" and he says "no, Kneaseles". Finally he took off his underwear and she says "Let me guess... small cox?"

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice...
"I don't fink my pet pyfon weally gives a thit."

A rabbi, burdened by the importance of his work, went into the synagogue to pray. Falling to his knees, he lamented, "O Lord, I am nothing! I am nothing!"
Just then a Jewish judge passed by and overhearing the prayer was moved to join the rabbi on his knees. Shortly, he too, was crying aloud, "O Lord, I too am nothing! I am nothing!"
The janitor of the temple, awed by the sight of the two men praying joined them, crying, "O Lord, I also am nothing! I am nothing!"
At this, the judge nudged the rabbi and said, "Now look who thinks he's nothing!"

The Center for Opponent Neutralization (C.O.N.)Tonya Harding Presents... Get tired every softball season loosing to the same team with all the big sluggers year in and year out? Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant tennis-playing friend of yours with his killer serve? Haven't you had enough of that annoying golf buddy who always seems to shoot in the low 80's against you? Just tired of always loosing to someone better than you? Let us do the dirty work for you at the... Tonya Harding Center For Opponent NeutralizationThat's right, for a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success.Check out our price list:Blow to the knee... $99.95Blow to both knees (a better buy)... $149.95Blow to the head... $124.95Knife in the back (tennis players only)... $49.95Kick in the groin (male athletes only)... $9.95Poking out one eye... $49.95Poking out both eyes (three stooges style)... more...