Knight Jokes / Recent Jokes
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting."How are we faring?" asks the king."Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.""What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!""Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave? Rust in peace!
In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."
The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY."
What is the difference in a Knights of Columbus and a Shriner?
Answer: A Knight is once a knight, always a Knight and the Shriners argue that once a night is enough for anyone!
- "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"
- "Been there, slain that."
- "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"
- "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."
- "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."
- "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor."
- Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."
- "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"
- "Your hovel or mine?"
- "Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my long sword in action?"
- "Dost thou practice safe hex?"
- "Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
- "I have more...
During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends with a very
wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit,
Hy told George that because of his large donations to charities through the
years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
"That's a great honor," George said. "Why would you turn it down?"
"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said.
"And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of
Passover?... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can
you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank more...
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:
"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, more...