Knives Jokes / Recent Jokes

THIS anecdote is of a certain Mr. Aiyar who having qualified for the Indian Civil Service was doing his probation in England. At a formal dinner, as was his habit, he began to eat with his hands. "How disgusting!" remarked the Mem Sahib sitting next to him "How can you eat with those dirty hands?"
"Madam, I wash my hands before taking a meal," replied Mr. Aiyar. "Our knives, forks and spoons are sterilized after they are used," she maintained.
Not to be outdone, Mr. Aiyar replied: "That may be so Madam. But my hands and fingers go only into my mouth. Can you say how many mouths your knives, forks and spoons have gone into?"

The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho. Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men. Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work. Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals. When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one. Female cooks offer the excuse that they would cut more...

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored. "What`s it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"That`s terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I`m going to check out Communist Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
"In more...

Four Aliens Land On Earth. They Each Learn A English Word. The First Alien Learns' Me, Me, Me, Me, Me'. The Second Alien Learns
'With Knives And Forks'. The Third Alien Learn' Because He Sold My Lollipop'. The Fourth Alien Learns' Hurrah! Hurrah!'. In
The Same Town A Man Dies. A Policeman Goes To The Aliens And Asks Them "Who Murdered The Man?" The First Alien Says
"Me, Me, Me, Me, Me." The Police Asks "With What?" The Second Aslien Says "With Knives And Forks." The Police Again Asks "Why?"
The Third Alien Says "Because He Stole My Lollipop?" And The Fourth Alien Says "Hurrah! Hurrah!"