Boil Jokes

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was
told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to
Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to
Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored.
"What's it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In
Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a
rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small
pieces with sharp knives."
"That's terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist
Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line
of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven
times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through
to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people
in. Dave asked Karl more...

Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

A man walked into the doctor's surgery and said, "Doctor, every time I break wind it sounds like a motor bike."
"That's very interesting; is there anything else bothering you?" asked the doctor.
"I also have a large boil on my backside," said the man.
"Right," said the doctor, "I will lance your boil and your problem will disappear."
"How's that?" asked the man.
"Because abscess makes the fart go Honda."

Kansas: Toto isn't here anymore. Wisconsin: Wear cheese or die. Oklahoma: Rather Sooner than Later. Hawaii: Try our lei-away program. Mississippi: Elvis was born here, but heck, even he left. California: Hey, with this many of us, we can make it legal! New Jersey: Waste not... send it here instead. Nevada: Two to one you'll come again! Washington: If we'd meant DC, we'd have said DC, stupid. Massachusetts: Taxus Por Un Fortunat Bums. Tennessee: To stay here, you'd have to be a Volunteer! Alabama: At least you're not in Mississippi. Idaho: And don't even joke about the &%$#)%^ potatoes! West Virginia: Well, it sounded better than Eastern Ohio... Florida: Give me your sick, your old, your rich retirees... South Carolina: Settled by prisoners, what do you expect. North Carolina: Furniture out the wazoo. Maryland: The best place to get crabs. Nebraska: Not much to look at, but we sure have a lot of it. Alaska: Colder than a polar bear's patoot. South Dakota: To rent this space call more...

84 Ways to Know If You`re Chinese 1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year. 2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. 3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. 4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table. 5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. 6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it. 7. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time. 8. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. 9. You have never used your dishwasher. 10. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. 11. You boil water and put it in the refrigerator. 12. You eat all meals in the kitchen. 13. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. 14. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. 15. You always leave your shoes at the door. 16. You have a piano in your living more...