Kong Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:*I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
*Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
*Gun wounds again?
*Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
*A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
*Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
*Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
*Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
*Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
*I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
*You daring lousy guy.
*Beat him out of recognizable shape!
*Yah-hah, evil spider woman! i have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough examination.
*I have been scared silly too much lately.
*I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
*Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
*The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
*How can you use my intestines more...
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo French fried ships - Cairo Garlic Coffee - Europe Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe Boiled Frogfish - Europe Sweat from the trolley - Europe Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong Roasted duck let loose - Poland Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland Fried friendship - Nepal Strawberry crap - Japan Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam Toes with butter and jam - Bali French Creeps - L.A. Fried fishermen - Japan Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania Product Names Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues Kolic - Japanese mineral water Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer Swine - Chinese chocolates Libido - Chinese soda Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink Shocking - Japanese chewing gum Cat more...
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):
Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I'm better than you."Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!
A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. Gun wounds again? Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! How can you use my intestines as a gift? Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? Quiet or I'll blow your throat up. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! You daring lousy guy. Beat him out of recognizable shape! I have been scared sh*tless too much lately. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
And finally...
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive. Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One. Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I'm better than you."Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!