Label Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW YORK, Oct. 7 (JTA) - In the beginning there was an idea and it was good: Jewish beer, named "He'Brew - The Chosen Beer.''
The beginning, for beer developer Jeremy Cowan, was last Chanukah, and it was so good that he sold every bottle of his 100 cases almost as soon as they hit the shelves of the liquor stores, kosher delis and restaurants that carried it in the San Francisco area.
Today Cowan, 28, has contracted with a leading micro-brewery and professional beer distributors in the San Francisco area, and is selling as many cases of the unconventional beer - 500 - in a week as he did during the past nine months.
The beer, whose theme is "exile never tasted so good," is available in stores throughout California and in other places by toll-free mail order through The Wine Club.
The centerpiece of the beer's brightly colored label is a picture of a Chasidic-looking rabbi looming over a landscape that puts the Golden Gate Bridge right next to a Jerusalem more...

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can more...

Rules for Buying Gifts for MenRule #1:When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.Rule #2:If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the wordratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.Rule #3:If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.Rule #4:Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.Rule #5:You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have more...

Rule #1
When in doubt - buy him a Star Wars book. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 copies of "The Wookie Cookies Cookbook" and he has yet to complain. As a geek, you can never have too many Star Wars books. No one knows why.
Rule #2
If you cannot afford a Star Wars book, buy him anything with an acronym in it. Geeks love saying those acronyms. "Hey, George! Can I borrow your PS2 to USB adapter?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my PC2100 DDR RAM tester yet?" Again, no one knows
why.
Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his game system. A crappy third-party DDR pad, a whacky looking joystick, or any game from the bargain bin. Geeks love gifts for their gamesystems. No one knows why.
Rule #4
Do not buy geeks cologne. Do not buy geeks ties. And never buy geeks designer shoes. I was told that if God had wanted geeks to wear decent clothes, he wouldn't have more...

Recent internet humor broadcasts have suggested that Vice President Al Gore is the perfect spokesmodel for the new wonder drug, Viagra. It is a stiff, er.... erect ummm.... logical connection, to be sure.... ..but I just dunno.

I think the following commercial would sell A LOT more pills:

Imagine Jack Nicholson in a reprise of his' Horney Little Devil' role from THE WICHES OF EASTWICK

SCENE: A richly wooded library filled with books, with a fire burning in the fireplace. Jack Nicholson is dressed silk PJ's and an embroidered bathrobe; seated in a leather wing-backed chair. Camera pans across the bookshelves, the fireplace, and the wingback chair, then zooms in on Jack's face. He is reading the label on a Viagra Bottle which he holds in his right hand.

Nicholson notes that someone is looking at him, looks up, then drops his head a little, looks directly into the camera, and rotates the bottle so the label is visable.

' Guys, WE more...