Label Jokes / Recent Jokes

Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
Anything labeled “New” and/or “Improved” isn’t. The label means the price went up. The label “All New”, “Completely New”, or “Great New” means the price went way up.
Anything that doesn’t eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, its a police roadblock!! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!""Dont worry, Bubba," Earl said. "Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.""What fer?", asked Bubba."Just let me do the talkin, OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin?""No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "Were on the patch."

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".

"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!

Three guys were out drinking one night, when one of them finally passes out.

The other two laugh, and one even peels the label off his beer bottle and sticks it on the guy's forehead.

An hour or so later, he awakens, looks at his watch, and realizes that he has to drive home.

He hadn't even gone a mile, when he sees red lights flashing in his rear view mirror, and he's forced to pull over.

The officer walks up, looks in, and shakes his head. "Sir... have you been drinking?"

The guy lies, saying, "Well, I had one or two."

Disgusted, the cop says "Why, sir, do you have a Budweiser label on your face?"

The guy looks at himself in the mirror and sees the label.

Thinking fast, he looks at the cop and says, "Oh this? Well, you see, I am trying to quit drinking, and my doctor gave me this patch!"

One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break.
When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big!
The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately.
"Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said.
"Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried.
The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple. You take the mou-"
"A mouse won't eat a bug this big!" the blonde said, cutting the man off.
"No, no, no! All you have to do is move the mouse, then the screen saver will turn off."

Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "All New", "Completely New", or "Great New" means the price went way up.
Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he more...