Laden Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish. That''s three wishes total," said
the genie.
The Canadian said, "I''m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie''s eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie''s eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, "I''m very curious, please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it''s about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds more...
Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?" Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place. Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook. Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle. Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But do not, under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics. Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping. Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition. Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because you haven't seen "Sex and the City" for weeks. more...
When I began writing this letter, I had the notion that I would write about something positive and optimistic instead of going on about how homophobic Mr. Osama Bin Laden is. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything particularly positive to write about. So, instead, I'll just tell you that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Osama's sermons and brainless practices. In the text that follows, when I quote from Osama, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out. Some will say I exaggerate, but, actually, I'm being quite lenient. I didn't mention, for example, that he says he's going to shower bloodthirsty traitors with undeserved praise quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultracentrifugation". Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that he dreams of a time when he'll be free to brand me as more...
It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by US Special Forces.
The prime suspect of the recent terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground passage in a remote mountainside of southern Afghanistan.
Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across the southern Afghanistan countryside, and the little prick just popped up!
The Taliban's Fall TV Line-up
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, more...
The Taliban's Fall TV Line-upMONDAYS:8:00 - "Husseinfeld"8:30 - "Mad About Everything"9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"10:00 - "Allah McBeal"TUESDAYS:8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"WEDNESDAYS:8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"8:30 - "Bowling For Food"9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"10:00 - "Veilwatch"THURSDAYS:8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"10:00 - "Diagnosis: more...
In his latest public video, Osama Bin Laden denounced democracy, capitalism and global warming.
He also announced that he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008.