Ladies Jokes / Recent Jokes

International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream.10. On the menu of a Swiss more...

Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.One: Whew, it's windy today! Two: No. Today's Thursday! Three: So am I! Let's go to a bar!

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

Two old ladies were sitting on the porch, chatting about nothing in particular. Clear out of the blue, Hazel turned to Blanche and asked, "Do you still get horny, dear?"
Blanche gave Hazel a sheepish grin and replied, "I sure do. Not like I used to mind you, but yes, at times."
Hazel thought for a moment, and then asked, "What do you do about it?"
"I suck a lifesaver," Blanche quickly replied.
"A lifesaver!" exclaimed Hazel. "Well, who drives you to the beach?"

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought he'd better do something. He spoke to all the girls that wore lipstick and asked them to meet him in the ladies room at 2pm.
When they arrived they found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies would better understand the problem if they saw how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a berdaggled brush on a long handle out of a box. He dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom, they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered together all the girls who wore lipstick and told them to meet him at the ladies room at 3:00 PM.
They gathered that afternoon at the appointed time and found the principal and school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness how hard it was to clean it.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long-handled brush out of a box, dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, walked over to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick. It was the last time he had to do so!

An young lady inherited a very beautiful parrot when her Aunt died. The girl was surprised to find out that her Aunt had been a very successful Madam and was well known for her sexual appetite. When she got the bird home she soon learned that the bird had quite a vocabulary and that she ended each string of words with the phrase, "I'm a whore." Well the girl was engaged to the son of a preacher and knew that she couldn't keep the bird around once she got married so she discussed the situation with her soon to be husband, after giving the situation some thought he brought the problem to his father. The preacher informed the son that he had a couple of little old ladies in his congregation who also had parrots and that these particular birds spent all of their time in prayer. He called the old ladies and explained the situation. The old ladies invited him to bring the bird to them and felt sure that the naughty bird would benefit from the exposure to the Holy birds. Soon the more...