Land Jokes / Recent Jokes

An African princess got on a plane with a gay flight attendant.
The flight attendant was going around telling everyone, "Buckle
up your little seatbelts so we can get this BIG ENGINE going,
buckle up."
Annoyed, the princess says, "In my land I'm a princess so I
don't have to listen to your mouth."
Then the flight attendant replied, "In My Land I'm a QUEEN. So
Buckle Up BITCH."

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."

A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"
The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said' Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

There was a blonde, a red head, and a brunette and they were all up in space. Each girl tried thinking up ways to be better then the other two... The red head said, "I am going to be the first woman to land on mars." The brunette said, "I can beat that, I'll be the first woman to land on saturn." The blonde said, "I'll beat both of you, I'll be the first woman to land on the sun." "How are you going to do that", the other two asked. "Simple", said the blonde. "I'll go at night!"

There was a blonde, a red head, and a brunette and they were all up in space. Each girl tried thinking up ways to be better then the other two...
The red head said, " I am going to be the first woman to land on mars."
The brunette said, " I can beat that, i'll be the first woman to land on saturn."
The blonde said," I 'll beat both of you, i'll be the first woman to land on the sun."
"How are you going to do that", asked the other two.
"Simple", said the blonde.
"I'll go at night!"

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common? They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!