Lantern Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going, boy?"
The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."
The father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know," the boy said. "And look what you got!"

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya a-going boy? "

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting sweet lil' Miss Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got! "

One day, a train collided with a car and pushed it almost 500 yards down the tracks before coming to a stop. Fortunately, no one was killed, but the driver of the car sued the railroad company. At the trial, the train engineer was a key witness. Prior to taking the stand, the lawyer gave him standard advice: tell the truth, but volunteer nothing during cross-examination.

When on the stand, the engineer testified that he waved his lantern back and forth before the crash, and even demonstrated how he had done it. During cross-examination, the lawyer asked him how long he had waived the lantern, and the engineer stated that he had waved it for a full minute. During closing arguments, the railroad lawyer argued persuasively that this was certainly ample to give the driver notice, and the jury returned a verdict in favor of the railroad.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer aftward, noting, "You did a great job during more...

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern.. . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin'' em?"

This guy is walking down the beach . He spots an old brass lantern in the sand . He picks it up . And starts knocking the sand off .
And this genie pops out of the lantern .
And declares . I am the divorce genie .
The guy amazed but dumbfoundwed says .
What in the hell is a divorce genie .
The genie says . What ever you ask for your ex gets two of .
And I am granting you three wishes .
What would you like?
So the guy thinks for minute .
First wish .
I want a Mercedes Convertable .
Poof .. Brand new Mercedes Convertable .
And the genie says .
Your ex just got 2 of these .
So for the second wish .
The guy says . I want 10 million dollars cash .
Poof he has 10 million dollars cash on the hood of his Mercedes .
And the Genie says .
Your ex has the same thing on each of her Mercedes .
So the guy says . Let me get this straight . What ever I wish for . She gets double .
And the Genie says yes .
So the guy more...

In the back woods of Kentucky, the rednecks wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to be putting down that lantern. It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

On retirement from the army, Kaka Singh and Bhola Singh settled in adjoining villages on the Kalka-Simla highway. One day Kaka Singh invited Bhola Singh to dinner to meet his visiting relations from London. Bhola Singh thought that as the path was steep it would be useful for him to take a lantern with him for use on the return journey. The party went on very well till about midnight, with a lot of wining and dining. Bhola Singh left in a jolly mood and reached home safely in the early hours.
The next morning there was a knock on the door. "Kaka Singh sent me to enquire whether you reached home safe and sound last night," the servant said. With a smile, Bhola Singh replied, "Oh yes. There was no problem."
The servant then said, "Sir, you left your lantern at our place; instead you brought along the cage of our parrot with you. I have come to return your lantern and take back the cage."