Lashes Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Indian was sitting with a Pakistani and a Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life.
But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tieing a pillow to my back."
This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Pakistani guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back".
But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.
Before the Indian fellow could say more...

One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up.' Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?'' Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to sustain us through many days when we are out in the desert.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. He then asks,' Daddy, why is it that we have long eye lashes over our eyes?'' Well son,' says the father,' in the desert, there are many sandstorms which whip up a lot of sand which can get into our eyes. The long eye lashes protect our eyes from being blinded.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster.' Dad, why is it that we have great big padded feet?'' Well son, in the desert, the sand is very soft and we need big feet to be able to walk on the sand without our feet sinking into the soft sand.'

' Well thanks, Dad, but what the heck are we doing in London Zoo?'

A pakistani was sitting with an indian and malaysianin saudi arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
Sudden saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said:
“i allow each of you one wish before your whipping. ”
So the malaysian guy thought for a while and then
Said: “please tie a pillow to my back. ” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The indian guy, watching the scene, said: “please fix two pillows on my back”. But even two pillows could only take 10
Lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to pakistani and said: “you are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes! ”
“thank you, most royal and merciful highness”, the pakistani replies.
“my first wish is: i would more...

A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
"Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
"Wait a minute!" said the writer, "this is just as bad as hell."
"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

Mrs. Mueller is first.

"What do you wish for yourself?"

"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few more...

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says, "I`m not as cruel as George Bush says I am. You will be given 50 lashes each, but you can have whatever you want on your back." The Australian goes first, and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives. The Englishman says, "I will take it as it comes, I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly "Stiff upper lip you know eh what." His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold. "Now Wee Hughie, it`s your turn, you have the same choice as the other two, what would you like on your back" says Saddam. Wee Hughie replies quickly and without hesitation, more...