Lass Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's Father O'Brien's night to hear confessions, and there are four nuns in the lineup. The first nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I should let you know right off that I touched a man with my finger!"
"Oh lass!' Tis nothin', you could have been in a crowded elevator or some similar place," the priest says.
"Oh no, Father!" exclaims the nun. "I touched him right on his private parts!" >
"You slut! You filthy tart!" screams the good father. "Say a hundred Hail Mary's and dip your finger in the holy water on the way out of the church!" Which she does.
The second nun enters the confessional and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I want to say that I held a man with my hand."
"Oh lass!' Tis nothin', you might have stumbled and he lent you a hand," the priest says.
"Oh no, Father!" exclaims the nun. "I more...

An Irishman by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.

The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband and protested vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the
Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny
for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well,
I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long
enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the
lad replied:
"Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lass.
Lass who?
That's what cowboys use, isn't it? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Lass!
Lass who?
Lass time I saw Paris!

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hillin the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lasssaid, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, buthe finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be ifye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he againlapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lassto ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"