Laughter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that
they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until
all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patron. Anyone who
could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money. Many people tried
but nobody was able to do it.
One day a scrawny, little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester
suit. He said in a squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter
died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man who clenched it in his small
fist.
Soon the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as six drops of juice fell
into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked
the little man, "What do you do for a living?"
The little man replied with a winning smile, "I work for the more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. "I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what? "I work for the IRS."

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing. Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death. Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta. Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him. Then came more...

I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose.

This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet door was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions.

Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the more...

In the far reaches of the Canadian wilderness, a new arrival at the lumberjack camp was settling down for the night in the men's dormitory with the rest of the guys after his first day on the job. The lights were turned off and suddenly he hears one guy call out "Twenty three!"... there is a roar of laughter from all the beds around the room, and another guy calls out "Forty seven"... more laughter follows. This goes on for a few more minutes until finally everyone settles down and goes to sleep.
The next morning, the newbie asks one of the other lumberjacks what all the laughter and numbers was about. He is told that they have all been there for so long at this camp, that they know all the jokes, and that each one is merely given a number... so when it comes to joke telling after lights-out, it is just a simple case of saying the number of the joke that is being told.
So, that evening, after lights-out, the same thing happens.. "Eighteen!"... and more...

A guy walks into a bar. At the other end is a horse. Next to the horse is a sign "make this horse laugh get a free beer!" The guy looks at the sign then asks the barkeep if the sign is true. the barkeep nods. The guy walks up to the horse and wispers something in the horses ear. The horse bursts into laughter. With shock the barkeep serves the guy the beer. The guy drinks it and leaves. The next day he comes back to the same bar, the horse is still histaerical with laughter. This time there is a different sign "make this horse cry win free beer!" The guy looks at the sign and asks the barkeep if it is true. the barkeep nods. the guy takes the horse out back. A moment later the horse is sobbing. The barkeep finally asks the guy how he did that. "Well yesterday i told the horse that i had a bigger dick than he did" The guy said " today i prooved it."