Law Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?""Its $50, 000," the lawyer said. "But why? Youll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?""Thats my business! Get me the course!"Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before its too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer. . . "
THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER
Scene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
Hark! Who trespasses so near?
Kenneth of Starr:' Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maiden
Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in like
pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.
Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves
than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
economie, doth o'erlook much.
Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else more...
It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
You may not sing in the bathtub.
Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
& A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
& Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let more...
Dumb Oregon Laws
Dishes must drip dry.
The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i. e., that which covers one`s body from neck to knee.
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
Beaverton
You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
Eugene
It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)
It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
Hood River
Juggling is strictly prohibited without a more...
A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
** All of the following quotes have been attributed to Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.. . **
'The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.'
'I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.'
'If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.'
'First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.'
'I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less.'
'The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.'
'I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?'
'People have criticized me more...