Law Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dumb New Jersey laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

New Jersey Crazy Law It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem," said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I more...

Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "open bar" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of Cadillac dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, currency, or staged vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Harvested attorneys must more...

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is the express degree you told me about? ”
“It’s $50, 000, ” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer? ”
“That’s my business! Get me the course! ”
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, “Please, before it’s too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died? ” In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, “One less lawyer. . . ”

1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it. 2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. 3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. 4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. 5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. 7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live. 8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. 11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. 12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to more...

WASHINGTON, DC
California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week -- and it's not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today.
"When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad," noted the party's Director of Communications, Bill Winter. "That's why, on the issue of Caesar salad, we Libertarians have always been pro-legalization."
Selling Caesar salad became a crime last year when California legislators passed a new health law banning the sale of food that used raw eggs as an ingredient. Unexpectedly, the law included Caesar salad, which uses uncooked eggs in its unique dressing.
Restaurant owners and fans of the popular salad were outraged. The outcry convinced state legislators to file a new bill to cancel the criminal status of Caesar salad -- and, presumably, end what might have become a flourishing black market in contraband romaine lettuce, raw eggs, and Parmesan cheese.
The bill, signed into law by more...

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side. ” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side. ” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side. ” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and more...