Lawn Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was out taking a walk, when he came upon a beautiful, large house in a classy neighborhood.
Suddenly, he was shocked to see a nude couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple behind some bushes near the house, and another couple behind a tree.
He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When an attractive, well dressed woman answered the door, he asked what kind of place this was.
"This is a bordello," the Madam replied.
"Well then, what's all this out on the lawn?" he asked.
"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!" she explained.

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked closer, he realized that they were all stark naked.
He went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies laying in the sun on the front lawn.
The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

Some Warning Signs of Insanity
- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
- You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
- Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.
- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.
- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
- You collect dead windowsill flies.
- Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"
- You like cats. Especially with mayo.
- You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.
- You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
- Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
- You have more...

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbour lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass.

if you get in your car through the window and your dor works you might be a redneck.
if you work with your shirt off and so dose your husband, you might be a redneck.
if you have an entire set of saled bowls and they all say cool whip on the side you might be a redneck.
if one of your car tires can double as a dinner table you might be a redneck.
if you mow your lawn and se 5 cars in your lawn you ight be a redneck.
if you think a key board is a place to put your car keys you might be a redneck.
if you think a micro chip is the last chip in the bag you might be aredneck.