Leader Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classified as a high-caliber employee, the type that cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
KEEP READING...
Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader:
Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while more...

The ringleader of a gang of theives masterminded a job on a lawyer's house. The gang broke in without realizing that the owner was holding his weekly poker game in the back with a group of lawyer buddies.

To the leader's chagrin, two hours later the theives walked out the front door, shaking the owner's hand.

"What happened in there?" asked the leader.

The group explained that in mid-job they came upon the room with the lawyers in it. "It's ok," explained one. "We got out, with $50."

"Fifty dollars!" exclaimed the leader. "You went in with $500!"

"Yeah," said another, "But we had to pay a retainer. Apparently, somebody is pursuing some kind of criminal charges against us, and the lawyers explained that it was a good idea to get representation."

three men a blonde a red-head and a brunette were out on a safari in africa they got lost in the middle of the jungle when they came across a tribe that said go find 5 fruit and we wont kill you but tell you the way out of the jungle, soo off the 3 went with a man from the tribe to make sure they didn't run off the brunette comes back with 5 grapes and the leader of the tribe says shove them up your butt and if you can and keep a staigh face we wont kill you the brunette does it while keeping a straight face so they show him the was out of the jungle. the red-head comes back with 5 cocnuts adn the leader says get on your knees and shove these up your butt while keeping a straight face and we will show you the way out of the jungle the man gets 3 up successfully and then starts to laugh the leader askes before he kills him why he was laughing the red-head replys "
i saw the blonde coming back with 5 watermelons"

Bulent Ecevit led Turkey from 1972 to 2002. Prior to becoming the leader of Turkey he made several films with his brothers Harpo, Chico and Zeppo.

A drummer sits behind the drumset and the band leader says, "Can you play a samba pattern with your bass drum?"
The drummer obliges with a quick "boom b boom" samba pattern.
The band leader then asks, "Can you add a Mozambique cowbell pattern along with that with your right hand?"
The drummer thinks to himself, "I can do that, no problem" and obliges, giving it his best Steve Gadd possible. He is then told, "Now add a 2/3 clave with your left foot on the hi hat."
The drummer's struggling a bit with this one but finally works it out and stiffins his back, all proud of himself.
Next he hears, "Now add a cascara pattern on the snare with your left hand." Years of studying Gary Chester books and listening to world music finally come to fruition and the relieved drummer finds he can play the whole pattern with no problem.
Pleased with himself, he asks the band leader "So, do I get the more...

Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for more...

Two aliens land in Metro Detriot, and they happen to land next
to a gas station. So, the aliens waddle out of their ship and
look around. The first thing they see that resembles an
intelligent being is the gas pump. The two Aliens approach and
the first one says "Earthling, take me to your leader!"
Of course he gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again.
"Earthling, I said TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!" Of course, still no
response.... The first Alien then turns to the second and says
"If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect and at least
acknowledge me I'm going to blast him!" At that the second Alien
replies "O. K, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other
to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third
time. "Earthling take me to your more...