Leader Jokes / Recent Jokes
A retired general who was appointed as the new leader of Thailand by the military junta which seized power in a coup, yesterday, pledged to make the "happiness" of the people his main goal.
He added that he would love the country long time.
A small group of scientists had spent an enlightening week on Mars, comparing life there with our own.
"Tell me," one Earth scientist asked his Martian counterpart, "just how do you reproduce the species here on this planet?"
"I shall be pleased to demonstrate," replied the leader of the Martian group, and he called forth a voluptuous Martian beauty with three heads. They then engaged their tentacles for a few moments, and almost at once a small pouch began to form on the female's back; it grew, and within little more than a minute, it opened up very much like a blooming flower and a small Martian dropped out, as fully developed as the adults, but much smaller, and began scampering about the room.
Once the Earth scientists had recovered from this unexpected experience, they attempted to explain how procreation differs in our world. The Martians insisted upon being shown, and after unsuccessful attempts to dissuade them, the chief scientist more...
There was a plane crash on this unknown island and there were 3 survivors, Mark, Steve and Ben all mates. They ran into the leader of a tribe on the island and the tribe leader said “normally we eat trespassers on this island but 2day is your lucky day! You have to do 2 things and if you fail them you will be eaten”. The men had no choice but to accept the offer. The leader said to them all to go out into the forest and find 10 peices of the same fruit then bring them back. About fifteen minutes later Mark came back with 10 apples. “So now what do I do”? The leader said “Now you need to stick those ten peices of fruit up ur ass without pulling a face or making any noises”! So the man does about five tjen makes a noise of pain. The leader says “rules are rules” so the tribe eat him and up to heaven he goes. Steve comes back with 10 cherries.
He askes “what now”? The tribe leader tells him to stick them all up his ass without pulling a face or making any noises more...
Actual transcript from meeting of "Arab Comunity Organizations of Anytown":#1: I am the leader.#2: No, I am the leader, you are not the leader.#3: No, he is the leader, I am the President.#2: Are your saying I'm not the leader?#4: Wait, I am the leader.
A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, 'You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED - you're in.'
The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.
Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang more...
80, 000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80, 000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80, 000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the more...
Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on Earth. The Captain and First Mate step out and says: "Creatures of the third planet... erm, we have come from Somewhere-Out-There, and we wish to talk to your leader." No one moves or makes a sound. The First Mate says: "Perhaps they are afraid of us."
The Captain nods and says again in a friendlier voice: "Please, we mean no harm, just let us speak to your leader." Nothing happens. "We mean no harm, we have come in peace." Again nothing happens.
Growing impatient the First Mate says: 'If you will not take us to your leader, we will have to take one of you on board our ship for examination!' When no one makes a move, the Captain pulls out a big laser gun and shouts: "OK, THAT'S IT, FIRST MATE, TAKE THE ONE ON THE END! CUT HIM AWAY FROM THE EARTH HE LOVES SO MUCH!"
Some blocks away, two police men sit in their car when they see the light from the laser. "Omigod! Did you see more...