Leader Jokes / Recent Jokes

Five cannibals get appointed as consultants in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees.? The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared, however. Do any of you know what happened to her? ” The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: “Which of you idiots ate the cleaner? ” One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating directors, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you have to go and eat the cleaner! ”

E-Mail One
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time.

Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field.

I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
E-Mail Two
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly more...

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"
The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left, the leader of the cannibals turned to the others and said, "Which of you idiots ate the Master Sergeant?"
A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Lieutenants, Captains, and Majors and more...

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this more...

The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate`s premonitions only during the postmortems.

The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject`s true value.

The average man`s judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.

The best laid plans of mice and men are usually equal.

The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

The best way to realise your dreams is to wake up.

There was this guy who was on a safari to Africa, and gets caught by a tribe. The leader asks him,"
Do you want Hisoku or death?"
The guy opts for Hisoku thinking it'll be better than death.
The tribespeople strip him, pull his penis, jump on it, beat his balls etc. He's in IMMENSE pain! But somehow he escapes alive out of the place. After some years: Same guy, same safari, same place, same situation, same tribe & the same question"
Hisoku or death?"
This time he says 'death' thinking it's gotta be better than the other. Well... the tribe leader says, "
Hisoku him to death!"

A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit. "Is anything funny going on here"? he asked. "What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back. "I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?" "Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers" "Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted. "That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!" The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with more...