Leader Jokes / Recent Jokes

A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks up and asks, "Scuse me, do youse guys know da song `Strangers in da Night`? The band leader says, "Sure we know that one." Nunzio says, "Hey! dat`s great! But I got just one favor - could youse play it in 5/4 time?" "Isn`t it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked. "Yeah, but dis here`s a special occasion, know whut I mean?" The band discusses amongst themselves, then the leader turns and says, "I don`t think we`ll have any problems." Nunzio turns and yells out, "Hey, Cousin Vinnie! C`mon up here and sing!" Cousin Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and then starts to sing, "Strangers in da f*ckin` night..."

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now what are you asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: more...

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing."Well, err... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!""WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in the act of oral sex.
"Get back, ladies, get back!" exclaimed the leader. "There's an extremely dangerous beast out there!"
Unfortunately, it was too late. A number of the girls had more-or-less seen the deed taking place. Curious, they asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
Flustered, the leader explained, "Well, ummmm... if you really must know, they were practicing a brand new method of artificial respiration. Yes, that's it, it's artificial respiration!"
"Wow!" the oldest girl in the group exclaimed. "I sure know what merit badge I'm going to try for next!"

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day.
The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting.
The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed.
The reply was eleven.
The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad."
Then he went to Santa, leader of the second group, and asked him the same question.
Two was the reply.
"Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!" The foreman exclaimed angrily.
"Yeah," Santa answered, "But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!"

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened - the more...

A bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden
death. The leader of the discussion said, "We will all die some day, and none of
us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing
ourselves for that inevitable event." Everybody shook their heads in agreement
with this comment.
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had
four weeks of life remaining before your death?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to
those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lifes."
"Very good!" said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would
be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my
remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a
greater more...