Leads Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

Jack is one horny guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. He walks down the steet to the local
brothal and knocks on the door. The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him.
"I'm really horny but I only have $5. What can you do for me?" Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem". She leads Jack into this room where in the opposite corner is a chicken. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her.
Jack undresses and has the time of his live. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.
One week later, and horny again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for
$10. "Well for $10 we have special show", more...

Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I more...

One day a guy goes to a whore house and says to the pimp that runs the place, "I'm really, really horny and I only have a buck fifty"

The pimp replies follow me my man ill hook you up he leads him to a room and unlocks it he walks into the room to find a duck he hesitates "a duck he thinks?" but since he's really horny and he can't get anything better, he unzips himself and start humping away in the duck

The guy finishes zips up and leaves the next day he comes in with five bucks and asks for a live sex show. The pimp leads him to a room with a large audience and on stage there is a guy fucking a goat. He laughs his head off and says to a guy sitting next to him "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"

The other guy quickly replies, "You should've been here yesterday -- there was a guy fucking a duck!!!"

John enters the confessional and tells the priest that he's committed adultery.
"Oh, my," the priest says, "Was it with Janice Cook?"
"I'd rather not reveal who it was with," John replies.
"Was it with Cindy Jones?" asks the priest.
"I would rather not say," replies John.
So, the priest grants John absolution and John leaves. As he was leaving the church, John's friend asks him, "Well, did you receive absolution?"
"Yes, and I also received a couple of good leads!" John answers.