Lectern Jokes / Recent Jokes

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the
collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that
perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving
more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that
the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone
voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a
slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the
collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and
behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacher
did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every
Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried
his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming more...

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in thecollection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him thatperhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into givingmore." And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked." It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so thatthe auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotonevoice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in aslow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in thecollection plate." So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo andbehold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacherdid not want to take advantage of this technique each and everySunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then triedhis mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, thechain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loudthud and springs and parts flew more...

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.
"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.
"It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."
So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.
Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud more...

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.
"It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."
So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs more...

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the
collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that
perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving
more.
"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.
"It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that
the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone
voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a
slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the
collection plate."
So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and
behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacher
did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every
Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried
his mass hypnosis again.
Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the
chain on the watch more...