Collection Jokes

Little Timmy always sat in the front pew of the church and gave a hand full of change when the collection basket passed. One Sunday the pastor noticed that Timmy started to put his change in the collection basket but decided to put his money in his pocket instead.
After service, Little Timmy rushed up to the pastor and wanted to hand him the handful of change, but the pastor proceeds to tell Timmy that he did not need the money and that he should put it in the basket instead. Little Timmy replies, "Oh no, father, you need it more than anyone else does, because my daddy says that you're the poorest pastor we ever had."

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "The President just found out he was impeached and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"I've got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons."

Collection Litter by Phil D Basket

This is, without a doubt, the funniest collection letter that I have even seen! Someone must have been having a really frustrating day when they wrote this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Share it with others can get a good laugh too.
(DATE)
(COMPANY)
(ADDRESS)
(ADDRESS)
(CITY, STATE, ZIP)
Attention: ________________
Dear ___________________:
Will you get off your dead ass and take care of your obligations! We are still holding the insufficient check that we called you on over a month ago. I know you told me you were waiting to get paid for a job that was due over a year ago. Get real. If they have not paid you yet they are probably not going to. That is not our problem.
Girl, you are going to go to jail if you do not pay for this check. We are not willing to wait any longer for our money. If I had my way, we would not sell you any product at all. You are not a good risk. We put you on open account and you drug your feet in paying us, so we more...

The minister arose to address his congregation. "There is a certain man among us today who is flirting with another man's wife. Unless he puts ten dollars in the collection box, his name will be read from the pulpit."
When the collection plate came in, there were 19 ten dollar bills, and a five dollar bill with this note attached: "Other five on payday."