Led Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was the mailman`s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door ( which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. more...
When a young salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.
"I''ll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice.
"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan''s loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he''d ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you''ll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.
When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.
"Yes, I more...
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church." When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began." You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow." I walked up the trail to the gate," Joe continued." The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him." Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on." That would be the usher," Charlie explained." Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said." You mean the aisle," Charlie said." Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued." Pew," Charlie retorted." Yeah," recalled joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
Pappu was attending catechism/bible classes. The teacher explained about the ill effects of sins, about burning coals in hell and the blissful life in heaven. Teacher explained further that those who led sinful lives went to hell and those who led sinless lives went to heaven. The teacher then asked "children, those who wish to go to heaven, please raise your hands" All children except pappu raised their hands. Teacher asked pappu "why pappu, you dont want to go to heaven?" Pappu said "no madam; mummy has asked me to come home straightaway after the class"
When a young salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards. "I'll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to a life of musical produce. "Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time. When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel more...
An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.
The following comes from a Catholic elementary school.
Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i. e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the more...