Lena Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You just put 'Ole died.' "
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes! and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

Possibly offensive to Norwegians since Ole and Lena are from Norway but now live in the US. I am 100% norwegian so I figure I can get by with this! One day Lena stops Ole and tells him that the outhouse is full and he has to do something about it. Ole comments that Sven is comming over the next weekend, and since he has been going to an engineering school he should have an idea of the best way to handle the situation.
That weekend Sven comes over and Ole explains his dilemma. ..
"Sven, we got to do somethin' about the outhouse, it is full and Lena is getting very upset about it"
"Well Ole, I have an idea. We will place several sticks of dynamite around the outside of the outhouse with a fuse just long enough to allow us to run behind the house before it goes off. The outhouse will be blown straight up, the crap in the hole will be blown out into the fields to fertilize them, then outhouse will fall right back down to were it was."
Ole thought more...

Ole and Lena had married under none too happy circumstances, and their married life had not been anything to brag about either. But when, after they had been together for thirty-five years, Ole went to the local judge to ask for an annulment, and the whole of Middleton gasped with amazement.
A date for the hearing was set, however, and when the time came the judge demanded to know the grounds on which Ole based his request for an annulment.
"It's like this, your honor," answered Ole. "I've just learned that Lena's father never had a license to carry that gun!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lena

Lena who?

Lena over here; I wanna give you a kiss!

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put `Ole died`." The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That`s it? Just `Ole died?` Surely, there must be something more you`d like to say about Ole. If its money you`re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O. K. You put `Ole died. Boat for sale.` "

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the more...

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.
"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid"
the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said: "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."
"37" came the weak reply from Lena.