Ole & Lena Jokes

Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next time."

Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor."What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says,' Yep, diesel fitter.'"

Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot. "That's too much, " said Ole. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes.Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven?Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet!Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!