Lena Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," more...

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink Ill just take da bus."

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

Lena was being interviewed for a job as maid for the very wealthy Mrs. Diamond, who asked her: "Do you have any religious views?""No," said Lena, "but I've got some nice pictures of Norway."

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.Lena replied, "You yust put' Ole died'."The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just' Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put' Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

One night, Ole and Lena were fast asleep when all of a sudden the phone rings. Ole wakens and goes to answer it. "How the heck should I know, that's a thousand miles away!!" he barks into the phone and then slams down the receiver. "Who was that?" asks Lena. "I have no idea, Lena, " answers Ole. "Somebody wanted to know if the coast is clear."

Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me, " his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."