Lend Jokes

A man goes into the doctor.He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.""I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?" The doctor asked."That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!""Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded."Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.""I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about more...

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Two Pakie's see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10". They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.

As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.

The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".

His friend turns round and says "fuck off you Pakie" and walks off.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.